Have you ever had the experience where you “knew” something to be true, only to have your world turned upside down when you found out it wasn’t true?
For me, there was the story I heard of my childhood. How when my mother died at a young age, leaving my father with 3 small children to raise, my youngest sister was sent to live with an aunt and uncle.
The story goes that as soon as my auntie got pregnant with her first child, she didn’t want my sister anymore, so she sent her home to live with us. We always felt so sorry for my sister, being unwanted by that mean old aunt.
Then one day I heard the truth from the uncle involved. They’d wanted to adopt my sister formally, but she didn’t want them to (she was older by then) and she asked to come home to live with us, which is what actually happened.
Boom! My entire history changed in a split second.
That’s a big one in my life, but since then I’ve had some incredible shifts. The best was learning a tool called the Model, which has allowed me to transform my life into the one I’ve always dreamed of.
I don’t know about you, but finding a tool that dramatically improved every part of my life; help me lose weight, earn more money, find more happiness in all of my relationships, heal old family rifts, it feels like I’ve won the lottery. It’s the best thing ever.
That’s what I’m going to teach you right now.
This changes everything.
Every situation, in your past, present or future can be broken down in to 5 simple pieces.
- Circumstances. Things that happen in the world that we can’t control. Also, they’re facts that everyone would agree upon.
- Thoughts. Sentences we think in our brains about those circumstances. This is where we can work magic.
- Feelings. Vibrations that happen in our body, caused by thoughts…not by circumstances.
- Actions. Behavior…what we do (or don’t do).
- Results. What we see in the world (our lives) as the effect of our actions. The result will always be evidence for the original thought.
Once you realize how things are categorized you can easily see how your interaction with these 5 things creates the sum total of your life.
How we feel about things determines what we do. What we do gives us our results….every single time.
Your thoughts create your life. They are the sentences in your head. The running commentary over every aspect of your life, whether you realize it or not.
I encourage you to start paying attention to them. It’s harder than it seems. Because your thoughts seem so true, but what if they’re not? My thoughts about my childhood seemed true…until they didn’t.
What if you were to find out that losing weight was easy?
Or that no one could hurt your feelings…ever? Or that you don’t have to do anything at all to be loved, that you’re perfect exactly as you are? That it’s never too late to start living your dream life?
Using the Model, you’ll want to first assume the position of Watcher, just noticing the thoughts you are having.
Our first instinct is to jump in and change everything right away, but I want to encourage you to slow down.
Notice the thoughts you’re thinking around whatever it is you want to change. This is the first step.
For instance, say you pick your weight. as something to change
It’s such a loaded topic that many of us have struggled with most of our lives.
(And one near and dear to my heart. So much time is lost and so many opportunities missed while we spend a majority of our time beating ourselves up about our weight.)
Start noticing your thoughts. Because your body is a circumstance. It just is. It’s flesh and blood, and bones. Heart , brain and lungs. It’s neutral.
Your thoughts about it are what causing you distress.
A great exercise is to take 5 minutes (set a timer) and write down everything, I mean everything you think about your body on a piece of paper. Do not censor or edit your thoughts, nothing needs to be fixed now, just write.
This is called a thought download. It’s a wonderful way to discover what’s actually going on in that brain of yours.
No judgement. Just awareness.
These are a sample of some of the thought I’ve heard over the years…and they came from the mouths of women of all sizes…even the ones that most of us would consider perfectly thin.
- My thighs are a disaster.
- I’m a slob
- Losing weight is so hard for me.
- My metabolism sucks.
- I can’t help it, I was born this way.
- I have zero control when I’m around donuts.
- You could set a coffee cup on my hips
- I can’t stand to see my naked body
- My belly disgusts me.
- I’ll never be able to lose it and keep it off.
I could fill up pages with the sentences I’ve heard, bet you could too.
Now look at those sentences. How do you feel when you’re thinking them?
Defeated. Sad. Depressed. Hopeless?
When you’re feeling defeated, sad, hopeless, and depressed what action are you likely to take? If you’re honest with yourself, the first thing you probably do is comfort yourself with some delicious food. Next you give yourself a good old fashioned mental beat down. Then you punish yourself by vowing to start working out, or put yourself on a starvation diet.
Not a recipe for success.
So I invite you to look at the Model again, and choose how you want to think about your body in the Feelings line.
The catch is your thought has to be believable to you.
You most likely can’t get to the rainbows and sunshine instantly. So starting with “I’m perfect just the way I am” probably isn’t a believable choice.
You’ve spent decades beating yourself up for not being perfect
A good place to start is with a thought that feels neutral, as long as it’s 100% believable.
Here’s an example;
C= Your body
T= “I have a body”
When you think the thought, “I have a body” how do you feel?
For me, it’s neutral. It’s true, I do have a body. I believe it. It’s neither good or bad.
If you could stop yourself the second you caught yourself starting with the mean degrading thoughts about your body, and change them for “I have a body” how would your life be different?
For most people I work with, it’s a first step of self awareness that leads to them losing weight without the struggle.
I invite you to be curious about your thoughts. Listen to them. Write them down.
Where did they come from? Did you learn them when you were a child? Are they part of your family lore? Are they your thoughts or your parents thoughts? Most importantly, do you want to keep them? Are they serving you?
The first step is curiosity. Some thoughts and beliefs have been with you so long that they make up the very fabric of your being. They’re deeply imbedded in your psyche.
Sometimes change feels almost painful, like you’re trying to change your very identity.
But isn’t that exactly what you’re trying to do when you’re working to become the person who has gotten to your goal weight and never worries about your weight at all anymore?
To become that new version of you, you’ll have to let go of some of the beliefs that created the current version of you.
That is why I suggest you start with curiosity, and patience and love.
Everything you’ve thought or done up to now is perfect and it was always supposed to be this way. You’re just deciding to think new thought going forward.
Thoughts are always optional. Just because you’ve believed something for 30, 45 or 60 years does not mean you have to keep believing it.
Thinness does not equal happiness.
Otherwise all thin people would be happy, and that’s definitely not true.
You can release your excess weight by using the Model deliberately.
Find happiness being you, learn to love yourself now, because you can’t hate yourself thin, then suddenly fall in love with yourself once you reach the magic number on the scale, it doesn’t work that way.
How will you think about your body when you’re at your perfect weight?
How will you show up every day when your goal weight is a fait accompli?
What actions will you be taking?
When the donuts show up at work on Tuesday…what does future you do?
Start thinking those thoughts on purpose, now.
And your actions will naturally fall into line.
Don’t believe that anything that you’ve done before matters…it doesn’t.
Your past doesn’t define you.
You get to choose each and every day how you want to show up and who you’re going to be today.
Once you discover the power of the Model, you can start using it in every part of your life.
What a powerful shift could be created on this planet if we all took responsibility for our own thinking and outcomes?
No more living in the past and having that be the roadmap for the future.
No more rinse and repeat with all the old beliefs that didn’t work before.
Today is a new day.
Let’s get after after it.
If you have any questions, or wonder how to use the Model to change your circumstance, I’d love to chat. Click here to grab a talk about your situation.
I’ve focused on weight today, but next week I’m coming back with a different topic, money, and how to use the Model to change everything.
Stick around, this is going to be fun.