This’s a story I hear all too often…

The kids have recently moved out, off to college or new adventures, and the realization happens that you have completely lost touch with your spouse.

For the past 20+ years you’ve been so busy tending to the children.

In the beginning they needed all of your attention, they were just helpless wee babies.

But over time, their needs changed. In the beginning you thought it was going to get easier, but somehow it never did.

Instead of diapers and frequent feedings, there was homework and extracurricular activities.

I remember 5:30 am drives to the pool for my 6 year olds swim team practices…bet you’ve got something like that, too.

Then they aged up into adolescence, and boy did it get busy. School, hormones, curfews, you remember the drill.

Most of did our jobs as moms and worked full or part time as well.

Who had time to nurture a marriage when it took every ounce of effort to get from morning to bedtime every day?

Then in the blink of an eye, the kids are grown and gone.

The house is so much quieter, so quiet in fact that you realize you have nothing in common with that husband of yours any longer.

I’ve heard women describe this as having a roommate for a husband.

Women talk about feeling rejected. Not needed by their fledgling adult children…and not remotely on the same page as their husband.


“I just want to travel and have some fun.”

“I thought this would be like a second honeymoon”

“This was supposed to be our time together”


But instead what I’m hearing is…


“He only wants to golf with his buddies”

“We haven’t had sex in months…he doesn’t even touch me any more”

“It’s like we’re living completely separate lives”


Are you heading for the big D?

Not so fast….Please pump the brakes.

Listen, it’s taken years for you two to drift apart. He’s probably feeling lonesome, too.

You’re not the same person you were, The years change all of us. Give him the same grace you afford to your friends.

Take some time to get reacquainted. Find out who he is now. What he finds meaningful. Where he would like your marriage to go.


Look for the things that you love about him.

It’s easy to get stuck in only seeing the faults, but there was a reason you fell for this guy.

Your brain is like a computer, happy to solve any problem for you. If you’re focused on seeing the negative, you’ll see lots.

If on the other hand, you ask your brain to find the things about him that still drive you crazy, you’ll start to see him with a whole new set of eyes.


Bet he’ll notice the shift in you, and who knows…maybe you and the roommate will end up with a thing going on.​


This is such an interesting and unexpected time of life. No one told us about this part, or prepared us for what might happen. I’m curious how things are going for you. Drop a comment in the box below, and let’s start a conversation.​