So, you are working with your coach, and she has asked you to write down the sentences you say to yourself. You know, like when you are eating, or when you have made a mistake, or when you are thinking about how something is going to turn out. And in conversation you just accidently say something like, “I am always the fat one”. Oops, you did say it out loud, and double oops, she heard you. You try to blow it off, you know, “it’s no big deal…let’s get back to where we left off…” But here is the truth, this is the Deal. This is exactly the kind of dark matter that we want to pretend isn’t there. We want to brush it off, sweep it under the rug, and forget it ever happened. But this is the dark matter that we most need to look at if we want to have long lasting permanent results with our weight loss.  To brush it off, is like finding a big turd in your living room, then lifting up the corner of the carpet and sweeping it under. Sure, when you get done cleaning the house, it will look nice, but you will never get rid of the nasty smell until you get rid of the turd.

Have I scared you yet?

I hope not, because you are completely normal in your reaction. As a human being you are designed to seek pleasure, not pain. We have this unfounded notion that life is supposed to be all rainbows, and puppy dogs and sunshine. And the truth is, only about 50% of our life is that spectacular, the other half is…well…the opposite. That is normal. But if you want the 50% to be the best rainbows, puppy dogs and sunshine that it can possibly be, you have to clear away all the old debris that is no longer serving you. How can a thought that you first had as an 11 year old girl still color how you see yourself in the world? Because you mistake it for a truth, when in fact it is just a thought in your head. Thoughts are optional, and now that you know you habitually have it, you can decide not to habitually have it. It will take some paying attention, and catching it each time it tries to pop up. The replacing it with a more accurate statement, like “I am in the company of other individuals”, “I am a woman”, “I live in a body”, etc.

Be the Observer

I invite you to step out of your drama for a moment and become the compassionate observer. What would you notice? What would you say to the woman who is having those thoughts? How does she long to be treated? Can you become the best friend of yourself and treat yourself with the kindness and compassion you bestow on others? Just a thought. If you are not getting the results you want doing the same old thing you have always done, what can it hurt to try a new approach?

If you want to talk to someone about this, I would love to hear from you. I work with women just like you. Just having a different perspective allows them to make significant changes in their behavior that have dramatic effect on their weight and how they feel about themselves. Contact me for a free 20 minute Mini-Session. No obligation at all. And learn at least one real-life tool that will enable you to make the shifts in your life that you are looking for. I look forward to talking to you.

Dani Bates